DECONSTRUCTING DAVID MEYERS:
If OnlyThis Time AroundAmerican Badass (Kid Rock)Be With You (Enrique Iglesias)
Testosterone-laden boy-vehicleMotorcycles doing fancy tricks, 4-wheelers, RVScooterOne gigantic fleet of Hell's Angels on motorcycles doing fancy tricksMotorcycles doing fancy tricks
Arty locationArid, rocky/desert-like place with snow capped mountains in the distanceDusty cavernous hotel Arid, rocky/desert-like place with snow capped mountains in the distanceArid, rocky/desert-like place with snow capped mountains in the distance
VerminLarge, hairy tarantulaLarge, hairy rat named OttoJoe CLarge, hairy mole on Enrique's face
Obligatory partyDay of Fun in the Desert!"Rave in the Basement" Redneck OrgyNew-age, sexy Latin dance party, sans Jennifer Lopez
Unnecessary debaucheryCamp-fire gropage for Isaac and the short-haired girlPointless basement smoochGaggles of half-naked strippers, mud wrestling, etc.Girl graphically and lasciviously grabs Enrique's bum, topless girl on the rock, many a half-naked breast.
Probable Taylor reaction"Dang, I look good.""Dang, I look good.""Ew, but they're so dirty.""How come girls don't grab my bum in our videos?"
Probable Kid Rock reaction"The one singing in the jean vest, she's a fox.""Little one thinks he's me, huh?""I'm so cool.""Jennifer Lopez is awesome. I'd do her."

Bottom line:
Or, we could hire our good personal friend Gus Van Sant...