MEET HANSON:

Clarke Isaac Hanson:

Age:19
Growth status as of 5/4: pleasantly, un-overwhelmingly tall
Husband quotient: (on a scale of 1-10) at least a 14
Boyfriend quotient: 10
Instrument of choice: guitar, occasional keyboards
Shining moment: The first non-braces smile
Hobbies: being a goof, playing in a band
Beanie Baby Equivalent: Peace the Bear
Musical classification: rock star
Spice classification: Dorky Spice
Something you wouldn't expect: nice bum
Should stay away from: pleather, mean people, dirt bikes
Token song: Only the Good Die Young
Lips: The Rio Grande
Eyes: Focused, dark, windows to the soul
Hair: Music-major college boy
Noteworthy: Exquisitely masculine, perfect hands
Accessory du jour: silver rings to accent his lovely fingers

Jordan Taylor Hanson:

Age: 17
Growth status as of 5/4: Taller than the Empire State; thin, spindly, Bambi
Husband quotient: 8.8
Boyfriend quotient: 9
Instrument of choice: keys, three chords on guitar
Shining moment: Live at the 10 Spot, the very first white T
Hobbies: being beautiful, playing in a band
Beanie Baby Equivalent: Princess the Bear
Musical classification: male diva
Spice classification: Pretty Spice
Something you wouldn't expect: smart, very smart
Should stay away from: mud, paisley, girl scouts
Token song: You're So Vain, Let's Hear it for the Boy, You're Sixteen, You're Beautiful and You're Mine... I could go on for days.
Lips: Cupid's bow
Eyes: Icy, curuline, sparkling, all of those horrible fanfic adjectives
Hair: Bon Jovi
Noteworthy: He has an abnormally massive head
Accessory du jour: Random necklaces, oh-so-trendy cartilege piercing

Zachary Walker Hanson:

Age: 14
Growth status as of 5/4: bruiser
Husband quotient: too soon to tell
Boyfriend quotient: 8
Instrument of choice: drums
Shining moment: Regis and Kathy Lee, the first time. Zac nails every note and more than compensates for big brother Tay's voice problems.
Hobbies: being huge, playing in a band
Beanie Baby Equivalent: Nanook the Husky
Musical classification: drummer. nothing else needs to be said
Spice classification: Huge Spice
Something you wouldn't expect: probably the most emotionally complex, unreadable Hanson
Should stay away from: sharp objects, sugar, delicate blown-glass knick knacks
Token song: Maggie May
Lips: Goosedown pillows
Eyes: Smooth velvety brown, puppy
Hair: Samson
Noteworthy: Pokable pot belly
Accessory du jour: Taylor