THE STUDIO PAGE: 11.14.99:
The Pictures

The John Popper Picture : Ok, so that is like, the funniest picture ever taken. "Bizarre" is the word Stef used. Here's our sweet innocent Hanson standing with John Popper, who's looking like your friendly local Militia Man, alligator trim buccaneer hat included. Tay looks like he's smiling so hard, the sides of his face might crack. Trying a little too hard my dear? Ike? Well, Ike just looks happy. I mean, it could be a PR smile, but he looks like his usual goofy self. And Zac? Well he looks darn proud of the fact that he's got his arm around a gun-toting radical, yes sir. "Look at me. I am a man. I hang with manly men. I have testosterone. It is good."

The Ike Picture : Aw. What a cutie. Ike sits randomly playing the guitar in a t-shirt and a pair of scrubby jeans. Does my heart good, yes it does. Yet another lava lamp. Hm. Is there a joke I'm missing here somewhere? Is it the same lava lamp in every picture? Why? Gosh darn that Freud…

The Taylor the Retro God Picture : Whooo. Someone's been eating their Wheaties. Or their fishies, as the photo seems to suggest. Now that you've all banged your faces on your computer screen in an attempt to kiss the boy, I'd like to reaffirm not only his physical and aesthetic perfection. How about the choice of clothing? With this ensemble, he could easily be mistaken for a castmember of That 70s Show. We here and Bright and Beautiful assure you that this a positive thing. It shows awareness, and taste and maybe even an ounce or two of personal style. My personal favorite accessory would have to be the belt. It takes a brave boy to pull that off and still look cool. (Or maybe just a narrow-hipped one. Hm. Taylor's hips. Yet another intriguing thought.) And then there's that lava lamp again. Is it like a Seinfeld/Superman thing they're trying to perpetuate? Is it an odd artistic statement on someone's part? The cartoonist Al Hirschfeld hides the name of his daughter Anna in every one of his drawings. Is it a subliminal clue to the name of the album? Or the probable cover art? Is it the same lamp that someone is shuttling around the studio specifically so that it will be in every picture? If so, that's pretty weird and we seriously wonder about that person's mental state. (Zac maybe?) Are there many lava lamps? Is someone harboring a lava lamp addiction? Many many fascinating things to ponder. You will also notice that the color bubbling up in the lamp is the very same deep orange in Taylor's shirt, and a reasonable facimilie to the orange of the fishy container, but I'd wager that was an accident. Someone thinks they are a regular Annie Leibowitz, methinks. (Random aside : she shot the Hanson Milk ad, which Taylor also looks blissfully pretty in.) Someone knows their photo-ops when they see them. That's for sure.

THE VIDEOS:
General Thoughts:

  • The videos are far too short. I understand that they're trying to walk the line between quality and quantity. I understand that slow modems will have an impossible time trying to dowload anything longer. I understand that they can't really give us too much of the new material. But, that being said, we WANT longer clips. It takes slow modems a long time to download them anyway. We're willing to wait. Trust me.
  • Not enough Ike. Lots and lots of Tay. Some Zac here and there. No Isaac. Just the hair clip. I mean, don't get me wrong. The hair clip is exciting. But we want to see Ike like, rocking out on a solo or something.
  • As short as they are, I do have to applaud Hansonline for the quality of the clips. You can blow those puppies up like, 300 times and Tay still looks gorgeous. Bravo.
  • The videos are so… sober. It's Hanson. We want antics darn you! I know. I know. You want to keep it to the music, but we gobble up the cheap stuff. Welcome to the way of the world.


John Popper and Tay : First of all, any video called "John Popper and Taylor" is scary right from the get go. But, the title aside, this video was an overwhelmingly positive experience for us. Not because John Popper is in it. Not because Taylor has the most hysterical look on his face. ("I'm confused, but I'm happy.") But because of the .12 second clip of "Smile" that's heard therein. Oh my goodness. I never never would have guessed that Smile would be the John Popper song, and you know what? It sounds wonderful. And I can't say with all honesty that I love Smile. I mean, it's a cute song. It's beyond cute. It's sweet and simple and Hansony to the core. But, I did not expect the album incarnation of it to be so airy and rocking and cool. I'm proud of the boys. Suddenly I'm looking forward to this song.

Zac's Animated Film : Zac, you are so beyond any definition of cool. How much would you love to have a friend like this? Gee, it's lunchtime. I've got a few minutes. Think I'll work on my animated film. Going to a school like Emerson where you're constantly surrounded by actors, film-makers and the like, things like that happen all the time. Passion for your art. It's a beautiful thing. I usually do mundane things on my lunch break. Like eat lunch.

Tay Listening 1 : You know, I really wonder what the awareness level is for all members of the Hanson camp. Do they realize what an absolute angelface Taylor is? This video would indicate that someone knows. I think we all knew this would happen, but as he gets older, he only gets more and more beautiful. It's so startling. I don't even know what to talk about first, the boy's creamy complexion, his almost disturbingly sweet eyelashes, his nose (I still say it's the greatest infrastructure ever put on this earth, next to the Pyramids.) or his insanely perfect mouth. OK. We'll go with the mouth. I think The Pout is truly the highlight of this video. I mean, the boy has this perfect lower lip. I love the parts just to the right and to the left of the center of it. It's almost heart shaped. Um. Yeah. And when he does the Taylor Scowl, his mouth sort of angles downward towards the edges. It's glorious. Oh yeah, and then there's the song in this clip. Who cares?

Tay Listening 2 : Oooh. Even closer. If you use the Windows Media Player, you can blow up the video to 200% and do fun things like pause it and point to his moles with your pointer. Not like I actually did it, I'm just saying you can if you want to… ::cough:: Speaking of which, doesn't Taylor have the best moles? The one just under his lip just like, makes me pass out. I am such a teenie.

Bottom Line:
Dear Mr. Hansonline Webmaster. You make us mad sometimes, but you occasionally redeem yourself with goodness like this. We thank you.