set list
I dutifully scrawled down song after song while the show unfolded, as per usual. Now I realize that when you go to see Hanson in New York City, you will find the setlist on somebody's LiveJournal or webpage within hours after the doors close. I'm so country:

• Optimistic, Radiohead--unexplainably, I love that Hanson appreciates Radiohead. I caught this line, "Try the best you can . . . " So encouraging.
• In the City, Zac's headbanging was a delight! The show had begun in earnest.
• Dancin' in the Wind, not a favorite but it rocks in concert.
• A Minute Without You, as I pondered the fans who had slept 2 nights on the streets of New York between the first and second shows, this song took on an amusing, not really mocking but teasing tone. It made me smile.
• Deeper, the twinkly sound was coming from the keyboard--I was scouting.
• Look at You, in concert I'm constantly reminded of the shadows on Red Rocks video version of this song--the moment when I began to appreciate how much the band loved performing it.
• Need You Now, Zac on guitar (Thanks Laura for this title.) I had to ask Laura, as I'm not a guitar player whether it was me or did Zac not sound like a perfectly skilled guitarist during this song . . . in all fairness, he had to remove his earpiece early on and remark how he couldn't hear. So that probably factored into the repetitive loud strumming quality of his performance--which even I noticed. I wrote down this lyric, "Nothing ever goes the right way . . . "
• Penny and Me, Taylor on piano--unexpected but neat.
• Underneath, always pensive and beloved by me, but Taylor seemed to rush through my favorite part, "the fear of losing you beneath my skin." I missed the meaningful pause near the end.
• Love Song, why? I get the song, but not why it's included in this setlist. As some kind of balance?
• Crazy Beautiful (During the show, I started to write, "Hand in Hand" as the predictable next song and was thoroughly surprised and delighted by Track #11 and had to make a scratch-out.). Laura was right--Zac's drumming on this song is a wonder to behold.
• Hand in Hand, Isaac's Love for this song is legendary and it almost turned me into a believer, almost . . . I honestly want to like this song!
• Where's the Love, the rockingest song from Live from Albertane and a real Irving Plaza native--like it was born to be played here.
• Gimme Some Lovin', memories of gray curtains dropping on the heart-stopping first chords during Albertane had taken on a logical new life . . . full blown blues! Temperature's risin' indeed as Isaac and Taylor side-stepped, grapevined across the stage! Isn't here a scene similar to this in one of Isaac's favorite movies, The Blues Brothers? I'm not quite sure.
• Man from Milwaukee, watching anonymous backup musicians getting into this song elevates what seems like an endearing Lego structure creation into a genuine architectural marvel. The nostalgic value is frightening!
• Get up and Go, Laura is trying to convince me of the depth of this song . . . I'm keeping an open mind. Fun in concert, since so many were eagerly awaiting this number.
• MMMBop, I heard that the guys were randomly dropping this classic from their setlist so its appearance was even dearer to me--someone who has an unhealthy adoration for this "greatest strength greatest burden" melody.
• If Only, the fun song I waited for during the This Time Around tour--it was like meeting up with a popular boy from middle school years later.
• Lost without Each Other, Wow! (one word only--you know it and I know it)
  
  Encore:
• Signed Sealed Delivered, Stevie Wonder, Aileen saw the setlist and Laura begged her not to tell. All Aileen would say was, "I'm so excited!" Such a rare gift this encore was since it came as a complete surprise!
  

turn the radio up and push the pedal to the ground
The lasting impression of the show: energy, the rock god energy of Isaac on guitar and Taylor who spent some time on the floor, crumpled / kneeling / folded over . . . Electric--terrifically loud! And Zac's climb to handshake the fans in the balcony--this kind of attention to the fans would inspire melting, not envy, even in a Hanson girlfriend, I would imagine--just so generous and unguarded.

staring at a million city lights
Way back in April or May when Laura and I planned this trip, I knew this journey was more about the New York fans for me than even the band. I can see the band out here, in the Midwest thanks to Hanson's generous tour dates out this way. I'm not sure just what I was expecting, but man, did I get more than I bargained for.

When Hanson comes to me, rather than the other way around, it feels like the sweet gesture of friends. When I book an airline ticket, I feel my mania reaches new heights, literally and figuratively. I took 2 other trips exclusively for Hanson--one to Oklahoma and one to Texas. They felt part homecoming with other fans and part carnival, with me as my own freak show (Just what was I capable of next?).

In contrast, visiting New York, I felt like any shred of Hanson fanhood or even the obsession that I stand accused of silently in the eyes of family and friends was almost physically wrestled out of my grip and exposed, with the same silent accusation, as mere mild fascination in the eyes of New York fans.

What? You are not willing to camp out for days outside the theater for positions directly beneath the band? Did you know that we have a song written about us and a line dedicated to us in a recent Hanson song? You realize NYC is Hanson's hometown now? Oh, you weren't at the first Irving Plaza show on Wednesday? Have you ever been invited to hang out with the band for a day? You didn't know who this song was written about? You've never heard of that ex-girlfriend?

I'm not sure if I feel relief about my Hanson fanhood (if you can even technically call it "fanhood" at this point) being brought down to size, or an unexplainable emptiness. Any case I could argue to family and friends that, "compared to the New York fans, I'm a normal person," only illustrates even more clearly to them the over-the-top situations my band-love has taken me to.

During the show, I felt like I was attending someone else's birthday party and all the New York fans had presents addressed with their names. Just like at a party, I was happy for them, with them. But I felt some grief at the deflating of my sense, at concerts near the Great Lakes, that every song was a personal keepsake. At the Irving Plaza show the songs almost served as a memento, a reminder of what has become past or gone. The exposure of an illusion.

The electrifying energy? Not intended for me. The high voltage setlist? Dedicated to New York fans, silly. Aren't you from Michigan? The unexpected Stevie Wonder cover? A final gesture of exclusive and unique appreciation for their new hometown fans. No room for, where are you from again?

I had crashed a party and so nothing was legally mine to take to heart. I don't even feel like I have the right to comment on the show, like it's not mine to reflect on. I'm not sure why this feels different than the time I witnessed Taylor's Rolling Stones moment in Arlington, TX. That experience felt like a startling reward for having traveled so far. In NYC, I just felt like an imposter.

away to where the leaves turn red, but no matter where I am instead
I've never been someone who has taken to hanging at local watering holes, bars, clubs . . . this sounds judgmental, but it's more the context in which I will mention that this neglect might have colored my reaction to visiting a New York concert. The times I have been to a club, I felt out of sync . . . like the banter was outside of the rhythm of my natural conversation. I just don't speak the vocabulary of the club goer or the New York regional fan.

But the fact that Laura took a chance on me and invited me into her circle of fans, I am eternally grateful. This experience has enlightened me much more than it has entertained me.

I've met people whose dedication to Hanson deserves so much more than they have received outside of the music . . . the stories of Hanson lurching by them to board the bus, dismissing them at unexpected meeting places, simply not becoming their boyfriend as they so keenly desire . . . is outweighed by the witty, hilarious, sweet, beautiful, irreverent, thoughtful, meaningful things they post and share about the music and about their relationship to it.

In a perfect world, possibly a bizarre and impossible world, they deserve so much more than Hanson is able to realistically offer. The bittersweet reflections contained here are dedicated with all of my heart to Laura (my overwhelmed hostess), Aileen (your hair is naturally that beautiful?!! really nice, funny and nice--I mean it), Carrie (a Midwestern ex-pat, so sweet), Kirsten (if you were any cuter, you'd be a bug), Melanie (how do you possess that much adorable without exploding?) . . . and others I met briefly: Hanna and Yael, Claudia and Meg (I think that's your name), Kris and did I miss anyone?

The mentions I've received in the LiveJournals of new friends serve as "a hand that can understand, someone who feels the same." Especially as a revisit to the "Weird" set, aka Times Square subway terminal, presented a highlight of the trip for me.

so you don't stand out and you don't fit in

You're always welcome at my humble, what now seems sprawling condo (after spending some time in Laura's studio), if you ever have a desire to see Hanson in a totally different habitat. Thanks for the memories!

singing along to feeling alright
(my backyard)

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