harper lee

to kill a mockingbird

Isaac: Okay, so she wants us to talk about the theme of the book.

Zac: Theme?! Theme?! Let's talk about the weird guy. Do you think he really stuck scissors into his Dad's leg? Huh, do ya?

Isaac: I feel like this whole book group idea is like those guys in that Cliff's Notes commercial. When the bookstore gets rammed, (in skater voice)"Whoa, irony. Dramatic irony."

Taylor: That's not even dramatic irony. Dramatic irony is when the reader knows what's going to happen before the character does.

Isaac: Totally! Whatever! (throws his arms in the air) So theme ... uh ...

Zac: You know, uh, I thought this would be a book about, uh, birds? But it's more about these kids and this weird guy and then, uh, the weird guy disappears until, like, the end.

Isaac: And there's this whole kind of OJ trial going on in the middle somehow.

Taylor: Yeah. The birds in it are not, like, real mockingbirds. Although (pause), there are some of those too. But the meaning is on a whole different level.

Isaac: You mean, Tay, (goofy grin) like the Spice Girls aren't really into parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme.

Zac: Ha! (fake British accent, high voice) "In the kitchen with Ginger Spice. My own ginger snaps served with a very special ginger ale (back to his own voice) Blecch!"

Isaac: Since when have you been watching the cooking channel, Zac?

Taylor: Guys, I don't think everybody is talking about theme here.

Isaac: Oh right . . . mockingbirds, um . . .

Taylor: Yes, concentrate (his fingers at his temple, looking down) . . . ohmmmm, ohmmmm, concentrate.

Zac: Uh, you want to kill one?

Taylor: (Looks up, and then at Isaac before saying in an overly patient way) You don't want to kill one. (then impatiently) Did Mom finish reading the book to you?

Zac: Uh, I read by myself now. Hello?

Taylor: So how far did you get?

Zac: I knew the weird guy comes back, didn't I?

Isaac: Tay, I think one of the mockingbirds could be the weird guy.

Taylor: Let's stop calling him the weird guy. It's Boo Radley.

Zac: 'Cause we all get a little bit weird soemtimes (starts to hum . . .)

Isaac: (ignoring Zac) Yeah, he's . . . what does the dad say about mockingbirds? It's a sin to kill one or something.

Taylor: They're just here to make music for us to enjoy.

Zac: (stops singing) What are you guys talking about?

Taylor: Ike, like, Zac's kind of a mockingbird. I mean . . .

Zac: Come on, Tay. If that's something lame, you better hope your red shirt doesn't accidently fall into the washing machine with your whites. 'Cause, you know that (starts to air guitar) "Pink, is my favorite crayon. And Pink, like the . . ."

Taylor: No, really. I mean, it's hard to explain, but it's like when (pause), I know . . . You know when we were at the Paramus Park Mall or anytime fans get carried away or things get a little crazy?

Zac: Yeah, (with a sneaky grin) and we have to appreciate all the craziness because who knows, some day we may not have crowds like that?

Taylor: Shut up! Do you want me to tell you or not?

Zac: I only remember everything you say because you're my bestest brother.

(Isaac and Taylor at the same time.) Taylor: Thanks, I'm flattered.

Isaac: Ouch, Zac! Whoa, that hurts.

Zac: I mean, you're all my bestest.

Isaac: What Tay is trying to say is that in all the craziness, Mom and Dad take us to SegaWorld and the zoo and to all those museums and stuff . . .

Taylor: (cuts in) like that other crazy stuff could be killing, I don't know, a mockingbird or something.

Zac: (Grabs his heart and starts choking) They're killing my family. ckkk ckkk ckkk

Isaac: (In a fake German accent) Ya, vat can be done about it? Seriously though, you know how we saw that stuff with us and Marilyn Manson on the Net. Even though we were laughing about it, Mom was like, "I didn't know killing your parents was so hilarious." And then Dad was like (in fake Dad voice), "We're going to keep the computer out in the family room."

Taylor: Yeah, that was Atticus going, "Stop tormenting that man," when they were trying to get Boo to come out of his house.

Zac: Huh?

Isaac: Zac, you're the same age as Jem in the story. Why do you think Dad wants the computer in the family room?

Zac: Well, there's barely room for our beds and stuff in our room . . . especially with Tay's huge Timberlands taking up so much space. (sneaky glance at Taylor)

Isaac: (holding back a smile) Well, true . . .

Taylor: Could we get off the topic of my feet for a minute. Oh, and we all haven't suffered from disappearing real estate due to expanding LegoLand (louder voice) Zac! (Zac reaches over to shove his brother.)

Isaac: Anyway, Dad doesn't want our family to be sacrificed because some people act strange around us.

Taylor: It really fits, you know, since we love music so much.

Zac: Okay, so people grabbing my shirt and screaming, (imitating fan almost crying) 'I love you so much! Marry me now!' could be, in a way, killing me?

Isaac: Something like that.

Zac: Hey, I call for a murder trial (banging on the table). Where's Judge Ito when you really need him anyway?

Taylor: But the fans who are cool aren't part of what we're talking about though. I mean, where would we be without the fans?

Isaac: Taylor, interview much?

Taylor: Wait, I'm the shy one.

Isaac: Alright, so a theme is what?

Taylor: So a theme is, not to kill a mockingbird. But, at the same time, you might have to, due to the circumstances you're in.

Zac: Yup, (goofy voice) That's what I was going to say.

Isaac: But, you want to avoid it if you can. Like, in the end, even Scout, who is Avie's age (that's kind of weird to think about) is like, "Oh yeah. That'd be like shooting a mockingbird."

Taylor: Oh, when the weird guy saves their lives and they all agree to not say something about it because he'd probably die of embarrassement from all the attention. Yeah, totally.

Zac: That's "Arthur Radley" to you Jordan Taylor Hanson (throwing a paper wad at Taylor).

Taylor: You might want to look into a ham costume, 'cause you better watch your step, mi amigo. (nails him back)

Isaac: There's actually a ton more, uh mockingbirds, in here, now that I think about it. How about when they invite that kid over for lunch who is, like, real country?

Zac: Oh yeah, and he puts syrup all over his food (Pretends to squeeze a bottle of syrup. Imitates hick's voice) There's nothing like mashed potatoes an' gravy an' tons of Log Cabin. (Smacks his lips) Umm, umm.

Isaac: (laughing, then serious) Scout gets yelled at for giving him a hard time though.

Taylor: And Atticus says, "You need to climb into his skin and walk around in it to know what it's like to be him."

Isaac: Like when Mom talked to you after the SNL thing, Tay.

Zac: What?! What do you mean? Oh, about the (yelling) "Merry Christmas, ev-ery-bod-y!"

Taylor: So I didn't realize you were going to say that and I might have looked a little surprised about it, okay? That's all. But Zac, we're cool about that right?

Zac: I know how you can make it up to me, Tay. (Taylor glances over at Isaac as if to say, "This should be priceless.")

Zac: Next time, if there is a next time, I pick the song and you sing my part at the end of "Look at You!" (cartoon laugh, hehehehe)

Isaac: That's perfect! (starts to sing) "Like a one-eyed goose!" You can't hold back, Taylor!

Zac: Turn me loose!!!

Isaac: Oh yeah!

Zac: (screaming) yah, yah, yah, yah, yah!!!

(Mrs. Hanson enters)

Mrs. Hanson: Hey guys, how's it going? In a minute, Isaac, Taylor, I need you to help the girls with their math. The Z-man and I have some area and volume to do.

Zac: But . . .

Mrs. Hanson: No buts, mister. 'Cause I know you love math. It's your favorite subject, remember? (winks at him). Isaac, I want a report on how To Kill a Mockingbird is a bildungsroman. Compare it with at least one other book from the same genre. Taylor, tell how the story would be different if it were told by Jem. Zac, and you, I want a summary of today's discussion on theme.

Isaac: When will our math tutor be here?

(Note: Read "Just One of Those Things" to find out how that subject is taught in the Hanson home. (c:).

Mrs. Hanson: I'm not sure, I'd better give her a call. Anyway, I can't wait to read those papers, guys. Next week, Zac's pick, The Outsiders.

Isaac: When can we do Catcher in the Rye?

Mrs. Hanson: hmmmmm . . . Let me think about that one, Ike. Okay, so what does your Dad say?

(Everybody groans) Let's boogie!

Mrs. Hanson: (grinning) And that's why we love him so much. Come on, let's go.