Poetry || safety blanket

A black void expands inside me
It rips apart my organs one by one
The pain, unbearable to my crying eyes
The hatred consumes my being
I know not as to how to stop it
I know not how to fill the void
It's there, ever-present
Reminding me of all that is wrong with me
I try to smoke it out
It only makes me cough up blood
I try to drink it out
It only makes me drown in sorrow
I try to cut it out
It only makes me love the pain

A black void expands inside me
Only it brings a certain comfort
It's always there, ever-present
Like a baby to nurture
Like a child I have to feed
Like a teenager on the verge of adulthood
Confused and in disarray
It expands beyond my horizon
Covering me in its safety blanket
I cuddle with it at night
Dreaming dreams of death and darkness
Silence all around me
Leaves only tears in its wake
Drowning me in the pain of being

A black void expands inside me
I can't see where it ends
I can't even see where it began
It gnaws on my heart
It feeds on my thoughts
It breathes the smoke from the cigarette in my hand
Its very existence relies on my words
Words of helplessness and regret
And I should learn
That saying them out loud will not ease the pain
But only encourage my void to expand to my limbs
Leaving no space unfilled
No thought unaltered
No clear state of mind to make it go away