Poetry || answer my prayer

Shoot me, father, for I have sinned
I've taken upon me to see the world
Leaving behind most of my morality
And all of my self-control
Lost in a whirlwind of lies
Pretensions abound where my life is concerned
Love is not but a game to be won
Lust overpowers all of my senses
Leaving behind the bitter after-taste of seduction
My head spins and aches with wishes unfulfilled
My heart screams to be given another chance
I listen not -for I am better off left alone-
Trying to find meaning in the worst of places
I self-medicate with alcohol and cigarettes
Never realizing the full extent of my self-destruction
Tripping on the same rock once, twice, thrice
Never learning from my mistakes
Wandering around aimlessly looking for something
Looking for someone to take my hand
Lift me up from the ground
Help me feel alive and well
I know not where my loyalties lie
With myself?
With my friends?
With my family?
With my writing?
With my vices?
With my work?
With my studies?
All of which seem meaningless nowadays
I am looking for the light at the end of the tunnel
I am searching for my soul through my actions
I am learning to not count on anyone but myself
I am realizing that not all is lost if I lose a friend
I haven't even stepped foot into the world
And already I doubt my self-sufficiency
I am independent -this I know-
But only in theory for the practice fails me
Shoot me, father, for I am alive
I know not what to do with myself
In this cynical lifestyle I lead
I will find no answers
I will find no comfort
I will find no friends
Shoot me, father, for I have given up