Walking down this corridor felt familiar and daunting all at once. I had done it six other times in my life, one instance I couldn't remember, another instance just barely tickling the edges of my memory and the other four times imprinted in my mind forever.
But it was different this time. Much different.
My father wasn't around to hold my hand.
* * *
The very first time he saw her, he knew she was the one.
They met in a coffee shop; a totally random encounter that he always believed was wound up in the strings of fate and destiny.
He watched her over his Sunday paper pretending that he was reading, when he actually had spend most of the time on the same page because he couldn't stop staring at her. Dark hair streaked with auburn and slanted green eyes so brilliant, they shone from across the room, peaches and cream skin, architectural cheekbones and full soft lips.
It took an hour before he finally built up enough courage to go up to her.
"Hi," he said, standing nervously beside her table. He held his warm mug, cupped between his fingertips, watching the liquid swirling as he shifted his weight back and forth.
She looked up at him, green eyes flashing. Cat eyes. "Well, it's about time," she said, smiling wryly.
"I'm sorry?" He pretended not to know what she was talking about.
"You've been staring at me for like an hour now. I was wondering when you were going to get up the nerve to say 'hello.'"
He shook his head, laughing. "Can I sit down?"
"By all means."
They were quiet for a moment, just looking at each other, memorizing each other's faces. "My name's Isaac," he said, holding out his hand.
She shook it. Porcelain skin.
"I knew that," she said. "Alicia."
"Well, Alicia," he said, taking a sip of his coffee. "Since we're going to spend the rest of our lives together, I think we better get to know each other."
She laughed, tinkling and lovely. "Am I?"
* * *
I searched the rows of plexi-glass boxes, moving from one precious bundle to the other. A nurse appeared and asked, "Last name?" I didn't actually hear her, just read her lips.
"Hanson," I mouthed.
She smiled at me, moving to the third crib from the left. As she picked up the tiny bundle, I could feel it, butterfly wings brushing against my stomach.
The nurse held it up to the window. A pink, wrinkled face, wisps of blonde hair barely there, eyes closed, lips pursed on the verge of a cry.
I wanted to cry too.
* * *
"Isaaaaac."
He heard the soft voice whispering, and he thought it was part of his dream. It wasn't until she shook his shoulder when he finally realized she was trying to wake him.
"Wha...what?" He sat up quickly. "Are you alright, baby? What's wrong?" he asked, frantically voice still raspy and crackling with sleep.
"Sh...It's okay," she said, grasping his hand. "I just..."
He smiled, pearly whites visible even in the half-light. "Craving again?" He placed both hands on her full belly.
"Yeah," she admitted, sheepish.
"What would you like? I can go get it from the kitchen."
She thought for a second, placing her hands on top of his. They rubbed the bulge together.
"Pistachio ice cream."
"Honey, we don't have any in the house."
"I know...."
He heaved a tired sigh before swinging his legs off the bed.
"I love you, Isaac," she said, her tone sweet like honey.
He was already putting on his shoes, sweatshirt on top of his pajama pants. He kissed her cheek. "And you know I love you too," he said, before heading out into the night to fulfill her every desire.
* * *
I stopped at the bathroom to collect myself.
I ran the water cold and splashed some on my face. In the mirror, I looked tired and worn, circles under my eyes, my hair sticking out in all directions. I didn't even bother to try and flatten it.
We had been up for 36 hours straight now. Six of those hours in constant, intense pain. Well, not me. Just Alicia. But I had wanted to feel it for her. Women are courageous creatures.
Back in the hallway, I wondered if I could live up to that.
* * *
Taylor stood from his chair and tapped his glass. The clinking caught everyone's attention and the dull hum of chatter gave way to silence.
"Isaac, Alicia..." He motioned to the couple at the center of the banquet table.
They looked up at him, breaking another intense loving stare they had been exchanging all night.
"A toast to the bride and groom," Taylor said. All eyes were on him, just like he liked it. "Alicia, I loved you like a sister from the moment I met you. You fit my brother in every way imaginable." A beat. A wry smile. "And you're the only person on this earth that can sleep through Isaac's snoring."
Everyone laughed, except for Isaac, who threw his brother the evil eye, punctuated with him sticking out his tongue. Taylor ignored it.
"Isaac, I know I don't have to remind you of this, but treasure her. That woman at your side is gold."
The crowd tapped their glasses in unanimous agreement.
"I love you both. Here's to Isaac and Alicia. May you live together in harmony and happiness for the rest of your days."
Cheers.
* * *
Taylor and Zac were in the room with her when I got there.
Zac, as usual, was raiding the only food within, on the tray sitting on the corner table. He was eating Jell-O with his fingers. Taylor was lying on the bed, his arm resting on the pillow behind her head. His attention was focused on the bundle cradled in her arms.
"You don't mind that I'm eating your dessert, do you, 'licia?" Zac asked, popping another glob of red goop into his mouth.
Alicia laughed, a tired chuckle, but tinkling and lovely, like always. "Go for it, big guy."
Zac grinned at her. "Hey. Daddy finally shows up," he said, turning his attention on me.
"Hey," I breathed.
"Hi darling," Alicia greeted. She smiled. Radiant sunshine.
I felt Taylor's gaze move from me and back to Alicia. "I guess we'll go." He stood up. "Come on, Zac."
Zac snuck in another piece of Jell-O and joined Taylor by the bed.
Taylor stood in front of me, a wide smile on his face. He offered his hand. "Congratulations, big brother," he said, pumping my hand firmly.
Zac patted my back. "Yeah, Ike. You're going to make the best dad."
"He better be," Alicia piped up.
We all laughed.
"Thanks, Uncle Zac, Uncle Taylor. We'll see you guys at the house tomorrow."
"Sounds good," Taylor said. He offered Alicia a little wave before he and Zac left.
I stood in place for a moment just looking at her. I couldn't remember if she had ever looked more beautiful. "Well, I guess it's just you and me, huh?"
Her eyes sparkled. "Well, I don't think it's going to be just you and me for another 18 years or so," she quipped.
I laughed. "Right."
I sat down on the bed with her, the same position Taylor had occupied before.
"Do you want to hold her?" she asked.
I hesitated for a split second. She didn't miss it.
She laughed. "Honey, you're going to have to do it at some point. You better get used to it."
"Sorry," I said. "This is just such a huge thing."
"I know," she replied, her tone sweet and comforting. Two words from her mouth to let me know that everything would be perfect. I remembered why she is my wife.
She carefully offered me the bundle, holding her arms away from her body. When my fingers first touched it, I knew that I would remember that moment forever. The fleecy soft blanket, the warmth of the creature inside, they way it fit so perfectly in the curve of my arm, the reality that this little person, barely a few hours old would count on me for the rest of my life.
"Wow."
Her hand came around and rubbed my back. "Pretty intense, huh?"
Alicia was crying then. She hadn't noticed, though. The tears were flowing steadily, staining her peaches and cream cheeks. But she was smiling. "She looks good on you."
I smiled back. "She does, doesn't she?"
The little bundle yawned, her little mouth unhinging and opening wide, releasing a satisfied noise.
"Some pipes," Alicia said.
"Another singing Hanson?" I suggested.
"Maybe."