the subject at hand
Factual:

  1. He was born 10.22.85
  2. Plays drums, piano ("very badly") and an unbelievable oh-my-god-where-did-he-get-that vox
  3. Digs Billy Joel.
  4. Teenager. We rule the world!

The Nicknames:

  1. Zac
  2. Zaccy
  3. My Zaccy (*coughs*)
  4. Zaccy Mama
  5. Little Drummer Boy
  6. Mr. Headbang

To sum it up we call him:

Pillow-lipped Gravel-voiced Sarcastic Never-Back-Down Musical Genius Head-Banging American Hyper Child

The imperfections:

Ensmaple One

Problem: Teenage Surliness
Ahhh, the typical teenage boy. Dontcha love 'em? He tends to kinda walk around being mad. Only he doesn't let on. Maybe snapping at some people, or not talking at all. Flirting would be a challenge. Ouch. Did I say that?
The Cause:
Unknown. Do we ever understand men? This is a hard time in life when hormones get out of whack and we all have serious mood swings, sometimes resulting into hysterical outbursts of tears that we shed for no apparent reason. One of my friends suggested that it was sexual tension. I disagree but who knows.
Possible Solution:
Pat him on the back. Make him feel loved. Slow dance. Massages. Slow dance. Go shopping. Slow dance.
What's Probably Really Happening:
He's a teenage boy. That's what's happening.

Ensample Two:

Problem: The Teasing
Ever notice? He does. Remember Betsy? Aw man, I was confused and giggling like a moron. As for the whole "Zac like necking" thing...whoa, I'm not venturing that far north. And he's always dating an invisible person. He's never been in love yet. Ohh ohh, me, me! Where do I sign up?
Cause:
He hates us.
Possible Solution:
Give him a good whack every time he starts his own rumor.
What's Probably Really Happening:
He's a bored teenager who's famous. You do the math.

Ensample Three:

Problem: The Hugs
First it was Carson Daly. Then it was fans. Then it was various other people. Then it was Johnny something-or-other from some British show. If anyone is hugging his brothers in a picture it's Zac. Isn't that just...awwww? Don't we love that? Teen boys have a phobia of hugging other men, and we all love a rule-breaker.
The Cause:
Who cares?
Possible Solution:
Why would we want one?
What's Probably Really Happening:
Drop the macho man 'tude. We know you're sensitive.